Officials of the New South African government have come to realise that the current status of having 11 official languages in the
New South Africa is impractical. A new language was thus introduced. This is the English as it is now spoken on television and radio.
The recently published New Suth Effrican Deekshunry defines these new weds. Here are some extracts and examples of their usage in
the official New Suth Effrican lungwich:
Bad - you sleep on it in the badroom
Beds - mossies, doves, etc
Beg - container, as in
shopping beg, hand-beg, tog-beg
Ben - to set alight
Chealdren - our
future is in their hands
Chetz - where worshippers go on Sundays
Cut - a small donkey-drawn vehicle
Debben - city in KZN
Detty - opposite of clean
Driva - holds the steering wheel of a teksi
Duck - very duck at night when the lights are all
off
Effrican - from the continent of Africa
Ewways - eg. SAA, Comair
Fems - companies, e.g., Anglo-American
Fest - the one
before second and third
Fok - used with nifes
Fumma - he owns the fum
Itch - as in itch and
avairy pesson
Jems - little bugs that give you the flu
Kah - what you drive around in
Kebbijees - vegetable
Keptown - some think parliament
doesn't belong there
Kettegry - in a system of classification
Kipper - one who kips, as in goal kipper
Kot - where the judges sit
Len
- to acquire knowledge
Leeda - as in Arwa Leeda, the president
Pesson - one of pee pull
Reeva - e.g. Limpopo, Vaal, Orange
Regime - anything
to describe pre-1994
Sheep - big boat
Shex - houses in squatter camps
Ship - provider of wool
Shit of Peppa - something to write on
Shuck-attak
- if the shuck-net is brokkin
Shuck-nets - at Debben, for safety of sweamas
Suth - opposite of North
Sweamas - compete in a sweaming
pul
Teps - solvent to thin enamel paint
Teksi - kah for hire - sometimes parrot teksi
Thest - ice cold Coke will relieve it on a hot
day
Tocks - negotiations
Ufrican - pertaining to Ufrica
Ummy - military force
Wee men - ladies
We pon - a gun
Wean-dow - with glus for throwing
bricks through
Weaner - the one with the most votes
Wems - small crawly creatures
Mandela Visit
President Mandela goes on an official
state visit to a small country in the middle of Africa. At the airport he is met by this country's Minister of Harbours. All
of a sudden Mr. Mandela realizes that this is absurd, this country has no harbours as it is landlocked! He is very puzzled and
decides to find out what the story is.
At the official state banquet later that evening, he leans over to the President and asks,
"Mr. President, why do you ave a Minister of Harbours when you don't have any harbours?"
The President looks Mr. Mandela straight in the eye and says, "Well you know that may be true Mr. Mandela, but I as just as puzzled at why you have a Minister of Law and Order?"
The Elevator
The father Stoffel and his son Frikkie were strolling around while the wife shopped.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw,
but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
Frikkie asked,
"Pa, What’s that?"
Stoffel (never having seen an elevator) responded,
"Frikkie my son, I do not know. I have never seen anything like that in my
entire life; I got no idea what it is."
While Stoffel and Frikkie were watching with amazement, a fat old lady walked up to the moving
walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady walked between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and
his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the
last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Then the walls opened up again and a young gorgeous, voluptuous
woman stepped out.
Stoffel, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,
"Frikkie my son, run and fetch
Ma...."